Religious Religion-Haters

In many emergent and charismatic churches across the USA, there is a new phrase that has become very popular. It goes like this: "I don't want to be religious. I just want to have a relationship with Jesus."

Doesn't that sound so good?

In case you've never heard that, here's what it means: "I don't want to talk about meaningless junk, act hypocritical, or try to show that I know about God. I just want to have a relationship with Jesus."

It's a wonderful statement, especially considering how much the church has gathered dislike for its generally religious behavior. It's really a wonderful thing to actually desire a relationship with God over looking good in church. But here's the problem...that phrase doesn't mean anything anymore. It's been so overused that now, it is no more than a religious phrase. It's a meaningless statement for most church people.

But there is one difference between the new religion and the old one. The old religion, though it was stale, boring and cold, had something behind it. Whatever you want to say about the old religious people, there's no denying that most of them had solid knowledge of the Bible. The new religion is built 100% on an often nonexistent relationship, because it is impossible to have a relationship with anyone with no knowledge of that person.

Recently, I overheard a very interesting statement:

"I avoid doctrine entirely. I just want Jesus."

Is this really what people think? That there's something wrong with having beliefs?

Many aspects of the new churches are good--like the emphasis on relationships. But there is a major problem with them as well, in that no one knows anything. When an entire church is built around feelings, there's a problem. It is good to know the Bible. It is good to have real knowledge about God.

So seek a relationship with God...but don't stop there. Also learn who He is, and what He has to say.

Thank you for your valuable time,
Mitchell

Apparently, you can blog from a phone. To test this concept, I am writing a post from my phone...isn't it amazing?

The Great Paraprosdokian

I kind of wanted to write about something serious today. Maybe use some brilliant logic to ward off the dangerous "Whys" in the philosophical world. Instead, I'm going to talk about my favorite subject. Yes, that's right. The paraprosdokian.

I don't know how to pronounce that, but I do know what it is. A paraprosdokian is a type of sentence in which the second part is surprising or unexpected in such a way that the reader must reinterpret the first part.

This type of phrase is usually used by mistake or in humor, which is basically the same thing most of the time. It is used by mistake because the author or speaker did not fully think through their statement, and in humor because it's just funny.

Here are some examples:

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know." — Groucho Marx

"If I am reading this graph correctly, I would be very surprised." — Stephen Colbert

"I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks." — Emo Philips

"I want to die like my father, quietly, in his sleep—not screaming and terrified like his passengers." — Bob Monkhouse

These things make me smile. I hope that my smile can be shared by you, because also it makes me smile when other people do too. And now my challenge: use a paraprosdokian today in a conversation. It doesn't matter if you rip off one of the above, or if you create your own slice of brilliance. But if anything good comes of it...please, comment and tell me about it.

I'm Back!!!

It's been over a year since my last post. This is the first thing I've blogged in 2009...and it's November. Since things are happening constantly, my life is very different than it used to be. Also, it's exactly the same. I read over a lot of my old posts, and it was interesting to see how motionlessly I have changed.

I remember when I used to reminisce a lot.

Anyway, with that said, how about I say it and then be quiet:

I am now, once again, officially a writer. I have a blog, and it is once again active. You may read it if you want, but also you have permission to ignore the very existence of this page. Whatever. But it's here, and now you know.

Aaaaaargh!

Yes, as the (capitalized) title suggests, I am unhappy and frustrated. This is because people are frequently stupid.

Let me tell you about someone I know. We'll call him Timmy, because Timmy is not his name.

Timmy lives in a Christian home. He goes to church and hears about Jesus, Heaven, Hell, etc. frequently. He believes in God and all that goes with this belief. Or at least, that's what he says if you ask him directly.

But look at the evidence. He lives entirely in the pursuit of fulfilling his desires. He's full of rudeness, anger, bitterness and everything that makes him not fun to be around. A good way of summing him up would be this: Timmy lives in the Moment, for the Moment, and is constantly searching for a way to make the Moment more intensely pleasurable.

I don't understand this mindset at all. How can a person believe in God and the eternity that goes with Him, and still live for the Moment--for what's happening here and now.

It's like this:

Imagine Alaska. Alaska is a cold place for most of the year, but for a few months, the weather turns beautiful, and hovers at a constant comfortable. This is how the seasons work: cold, warm, cold.

Now imagine the people of Alaska. Personally, if I lived in a cold place, I would want warm clothes, a warm house, and a really nice guitar (I'd like that last one anywhere I lived). So here you are in your warm clothes and warm house, playing your nice guitar, and you realize that the weather is warm.

"Hallelujah!" you say. "It isn't cold today!"

In excitement and jubilee, you put on shorts and flip-flops, and burn your jackets and fur coats. Then you knock down your warm house, and sit outside in the grass to play your nice guitar. Then the winter comes. The temperature drops well below zero, and then where are you? Frozen solid.

That's what Timmy is--and many others are--doing right now. This life is a season. It's a moment. It's a vapor. Nothing. In God's eyes, your life is shorter than a yard to Usain Bolt. So why, Timmy, do you insist on doing so many dumb things in this life? Don't you get it?

In eternity, there is no measurement of time, because there is no way to measure infinity. I can't even put it into words. Please, stop for a moment and think about it.

And then change.

since when...

Since when did it become cool to stop using correct punctuation and/or capitalization? For example, most "cool" people use lowercase i instead of uppercase I. Or they forget to capitalize the beginning of a sentence. Or don't capitalize their titles. Yes, I have, at times (such as in this post), done the same thing, but I think it's time things changed around here.

From this day forward, I will strive to use correct punctuation, spelling and capitalization. This is my solemn promise.

Something Interesting

Read this. You will be astonished and amazed.