conversation

Have you (the reader) ever been completely at a loss for something to say? Have you ever just been so astounded by something another person said or did that you couldn't think of words to say? Or seen something so incredible it completely stole your voice away? If so, I don't understand you at all.
Well, that isn't entirely true. One time I had such a bad sore throat that I couldn't speak above a whisper. That, however, is the extent of my wordlessness. No matter what is said to me, I can just about always come up with a reply. I don't always say that thing, and sometimes it doesn't make sense to anyone but me, but I always have something to say.
To another person, anyway. When talking to God, on the other hand, I usually have nothing to say. I can say things like "please give me perfect grades on my math test today," or, "please give me a new guitar," but that isn't really conversation. God doesn't want my requests to be the extent of our relations.
Once I wrote a song, and entitled it "At A Loss." The lyrics were as follows.

"I'm at a loss, I have no words to say."

I was trying to write a praise/worship song. Instead, I ended up with that one line. I realized that I didn't really have anything to say--I was just filling up time and paper.
Why is it hard to talk to God? That's a really easy question to answer. Let me write a list of reasons.

1. Because He is the ruler of the universe, and we're little insignificant specks.
2. Because we can't see Him, and have a hard time with what we can't see.
3. Because we have nothing in common with Him that we can talk about.

All of these barriers can be overcome, mostly because He is constantly overcoming them so that we can talk to Him easier. Even with all barriers overcome, though, it still remains difficult. Even overcome, the barriers remain.
So what do we talk to Him about? This is, in fact, another really easy question. Jesus showed us exactly what we can talk to Him about. Look in Matthew 6:9-13. This passage is commonly referred to as the Lord's Prayer, because it was prayed by our Lord Jesus.

6:9 Therefore pray in this way: Our Father, who is in Heaven, Hallowed be Your name.
6:10 Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
6:11 Give us this day our daily bread;
6:12 and forgive us our debts as we also forgive our debtors.
6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil. For Yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.

So here's what you can talk to Him about (and here's another list):

1: Worship (vv. 9-10, 13b). God loves our praise, and it's surprisingly fulfilling to praise Him.
2: Confession (v. 12). Why bother to confess sins to God, since He already knows them all? Basically, because confessing a sin to God makes the sin far less powerful in your life. God can deal with it much more effectively once you have admitted to Him that you have the sin.
3: Requests (v. 11). No one needs help with this part. I do think it's interesting, however, that this is the shortest part of the prayer, and that praise is the largest chunk. It's important, when praying, to praise more than request. If there's a long list of requests, that just means there will be a lot of praise.

I hope that this has made a difference to someone besides myself. If it didn't, I apologize for wasting your time.
Goodbye, valiant reader,
Mitchell

the answer

Why did God create humans?

A: He had nothing else to do.
B: He wanted someone He could love.
C: He needed some new toys.
D: He did it on accident. He sneezed, and there we were.

The correct answer is B. God created us because He wanted someone to love, and He wanted someone who would love Him. Humanity exists solely to fulfill these two purposes. He wants us to worship Him, and He wants to bless us. Whether our loving Him or His loving us is the more important of the two reasons, I don't know. I don't think it matters, at the moment.
The point is this: we have a specific purpose--the object of God's love. OK, why does this matter?
Yesterday, I asked why God would create humans as such frail creatures. Why would He want to be stuck taking care of us? Maybe because He loves us.
Most of you have probably finished your Christmas shopping by now. If so, you probably understand what I'm saying. Giving to people you love is a good experience. I would recommend it as therapy to anyone who is depressed. It's somehow uplifting to imagine the faces of other people as they receive a much-desired gift.
God is the same way. He loves to give us gifts, although sometimes these gifts are hard to see. They can be as simple as a roof over your head or food to eat. I'm not talking about prosperity theology here at all. My point is just this: God loves to give to us, just as we love to give to others. We are, after all, made in His image.
I hope that I've answered my own question now, pointless though it may be. And though it may be pointless, please remember one thing: to avoid depression, give gifts (I'll post a wishlist sometime).
Goodbye, valiant reader
Mitchell

food, drink and sleep

Last night, I was sitting in a fifteen-passenger van with ten other people. I sat there for a long time--or at least, it seemed like a long time to me. Maybe seven hours, compared to eternity, isn't much of anything. But to the mind of a simple human being like me, seven hours is a very long time.
My eyes are still bloodshot from the abundant lack of sleep I got last night. I want to sleep, but those ten other people happen to be my family, and they refuse to be silent long enough for me to sleep.
All this has caused me to think of a question: what is sleep for? Who decided that we have to sleep every twelve hours just to survive? Isn't that a little inefficient?
If I were to create an entire universe and populate it with small people designed in my image, in the way that God did (Genesis 1:26), I wouldn't have given them such a huge disadvantage as sleep.
Just look around, and it's easy to see hundreds of little "flaws" in our design. To keep on going, we have to eat, drink, sleep and stay warm and dry. Our bodies can't go below a certain temperature or we slow down and ultimately die, and above a certain temperature we overheat. Again, this can lead to death. God doesn't have any of these problems--why did he give them to us?
Could it be that He wants us to rely on Him? We already know this to be true. Look at Matthew 6:25-34. We shouldn't be worried about food, clothing or shelter. We shouldn't even be worried about our own lives. God wants us to rely on Him, and Him alone.
That brings up another question. Why? Why would He want to care for a big bunch of primates with bad breath and overly fancy cars?
This is a good question (I think), and I'm out of time to write. So next time I post, if it be tomorrow or in seventy-three years, I'll attempt to satisfactorily answer that question.
Goodbye, valiant reader
Mitchell

patience and myself

Today, I am going to introduce myself a little better. In my profile, one of the things listed is interests, and in this place I put "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." These are interests of mine, but I usually don't spend my days pursuing happiness.
My real interests are music and writing. I do other things, but I am most interested in those two things. I can't tell you why. I don't know why I like some things more than others.
I write music more than I write stories, since songs can be written about eighty times faster than a novel, and inspiration comes more frequently. Someday, hopefully soon, it is my intention to record some of these songs.
A few days ago, I ordered an extremely useful device called a mixer, which is the last device I need to be able to record. It's due to arrive today, and so I've been glancing out the window every thirty seconds since I woke up this morning. It's almost two o'clock, and it still hasn't arrived--if it had, I wouldn't be writing this: I'd be recording. And here's the reason I'm saying all this:
Patience is one of the fruits of the spirits mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23. The fruits of the spirit are important, because they reveal who has the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of them. If you are displaying the fruits of the spirit, God can work through you. If you aren't, He can't. So what I'm wondering is, based on the patience I'm shown to have, is the Holy Spirit revealed in me?
I don't like to wait, but patience isn't about enjoying long waits. It's about bearing them out calmly. That's the opposite of what I'm doing by looking out the window every thirty seconds.
OK--so what? Why does it matter that I'm eager to get the thing that I'm waiting for? How could that prevent God from working through me? Before I can answer that, I have to answer a different question. What does God want to do through me?
Through me--and through everyone--God's goal is essentially the same. He wants us to spread His name throughout the world (Mark 16:15).
So how is my impatience going to impede that task? Impatience is a refusal to bear any discomfort or delay. God's goal for us is to show love, and love is patient. It bears all things. So my impatience is actually causing me to love less. And since God is love, and I am loving less, I now have less of God in me than I did yesterday when I was more patient.
That's all I have to say. The UPS truck still hasn't arrived, but maybe this has helped me to be more patient (or not).
Goodbye, valiant reader
Mitchell

further explanations

Actually, I'm not finished posting yet. I am posting five seconds after the first post. I have to explain things some more.
All of my posts will be sorted into one of five categories.
1. completely useless
2. somewhat useless
3. intriguing
4. fascinating
5. deep as the ocean

This is so that you can skip the uninteresting ones and read the important ones, as your busy schedule allows. Most likely, you will never see 5.
Goodbye, valiant reader
Mitchell

Explanation

My name is Mitchell Nelson. I call myself me, but you can call me Mitchell. This is my blog, and as you can see, it is called "Controlled Disorder." Those two words put together in this way create what is commonly called an oxi-moron, which means that one contradicts the other. Disorder is a thing that can't be controlled.
However, controlling disorder is what I'm going to attempt to do. My brain (and yours) is filled to the brim with disorder, because it's fully impossible to organize my thoughts. Thoughts can't be organized. And thus, I created a blog so that I could put my chaotic thoughts onto the Internet. Once in writing, they can be organized. That's the idea, anyway. We'll see if it works.
This is the end of today's post. The interesting things begin next time I post, be that tomorrow or six years from now.
Goodbye, valiant reader,
Mitchell